


Borrow Me for the Night (Maybe for Life)

by DroppedAllTheseOreos



Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-29 15:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DroppedAllTheseOreos/pseuds/DroppedAllTheseOreos
Summary: Just when Chouno thought he didn't need him anymore, Tsubaki worms his way back into his life. What he thought was goodbye ended up being a hello to a whole new chapter of his life that Tsubaki seems determined to make sure he's written into. Turns out to be good timing for Chouno, who was on the verge of feeling frustrated and aimless with his life again. Between dinner dates, misunderstandings and freaking out over art deadlines, Chouno might just find a direction that will work out for him.





	Borrow Me for the Night (Maybe for Life)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MarineHaddock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarineHaddock/gifts).



> Happy Birth Graham!
> 
> Title is lyrics from Summertime Gladness by Dance Gavin Dance

Chouno leaned back in his seat, setting his brush down and letting out a deep sigh. It felt like he’d been doing this piece forever. He reached up to rub at his shoulder, trying to relax the muscles when his fingers brushed against his neck. A twinge of self-consciousness pricked at him with the motion. He knew what was there, and being reminded of the stupid decisions he made in the past made his chest tight. The tattoo was permanent, as far as he cared. Laser removal was expensive and way out of his budget if he wanted to keep paying off his medical bills while making rent.

It's probably for the best anyways, Chouno thought as he pressed his fingers into his forehead. He deserved to keep it, to be reminded of his mistakes, so he wouldn’t repeat them.

Before he got too caught up in a self-hate spiral, his doorbell went off. He paused, rent wasn’t due until the end of the month, and it’s not like he had any friends or neighbors that would check in on him. The doorbell went off a few more times to confirm that he wasn’t just hearing things, and he cautiously made his way to the door.

Swinging it open, he was surprised to see Tsubaki standing there, easygoing smile in place, his lab coat or anything else that might’ve made him out as a doctor nowhere in sight.

Chouno felt a rush of emotions and thoughts from when they last saw each other. He’d hit Tsubaki. But even though he'd put him through so much bullshit, Tsubaki just kept steady and trying to push him towards making something with his life. Tsubaki, who was absolutely not supposed to be here because he sent him an envelope containing his goodbye.

“Hey, been a while.” Tsubaki greeted. “Wanna come out to this restaurant? I’ve been meaning to try it for a while.”

Chouno felt his hand clench down on the doorknob unintentionally. Of all things that could’ve happened after he sent his knife, Tsubaki showing up at his apartment a week later, asking him out for dinner was the last outcome he could’ve seen coming. Chouno just thought Tsubaki would write something back at the very most, but he didn’t plan on ever seeing him again. He has no fucking clue what to do here.

On one hand, going out might be helpful. He was frustrated, exhausted, and maybe going out would give him some perspective instead of staying here to spiral into his usual frustration with himself and the world. But on the other hand, this was Tsubaki. Tsubaki, who he could never meet under normal circumstances and usually had some big blowout disagreement with.

Because his brain was apparently too slow for his stupid mouth, he heard himself say, “Sure.” Instead of ‘What are you doing here?’ ‘Sorry I don’t have the time’ or ‘Didn’t you read my letter? It came with the knife, did you notice? Didn’t you understand what I meant by it?’ or literally anything else that would be practical to the situation.

He shook his head to jolt his brain back in control of his body. “By the way, how did you find me?” he asked, still gripping the doorknob, ready to slam it shut if need be.

Not exactly what he wanted to say, but it was close enough for his sleep-deprived brain, apparently.

“Return address on the envelope.” Tsubaki deadpanned, shooting him a confused look.

Chouno cursed himself internally, of course. He should’ve just written Tsubaki’s name on the back of the envelope, passed it to a nurse, and asked to give it to him when they got the chance. But of course, he had to be too anxious about the slightest chance of seeing Tsubaki again when he wasn’t ready and mailed it.

He didn’t trust himself to say anything else, so he just sighed and went along with it. Tsubaki had never driven him wrong before. He locked up his apartment and followed the man back down to his car. Tsubaki's methods to help Chouno were always unorthodox, he still felt queasy when he remembered the corpse, but whatever Tsubaki did could get through to him when no one else could.

The ride over to the place was soothing. Any apprehension Chouno felt about being with Tsubaki again was eased away with looking out where the window should’ve been. Chouno had never been in a convertible before, and being able to look in almost every direction felt like a whole new world. Tsubaki tried to make idle conversation with him, but chuckled at his wide-eyed wonder at the lack of a roof, and let him take it all in first. For the first few minutes of the ride, he distractedly answered Tsubaki’s questions about his health but gratefully accepted the silence that followed as he glanced around in wonder at the city night lights, mentally taking notes to maybe paint an acrylic of one of the intersections later. He settled down after getting over the initial amazement of it all and tried to keep the conversation going, asking about Tsubaki’s work and how he was doing overall. Tsubaki was pretty laid-back as he answered, helping Chouno feel more relaxed as well.

When they finally pulled up and headed into the restaurant, Chouno balked at how fancy it was.

“It’s nice, yeah?”

Chouno nodded, still a bit starstruck that Tsubaki wanted to take him to a nice place—

“I didn’t get to try it out the first time I came here because Ichijou called me in to check on _you_.” Tsubaki griped as they walked up to the door. “So, you at least owe me dinner here to make up for it.” 

“What?” Chouno snapped, Tsubaki scowled back at him.

After some back and forth about the monetary logistics of being an artist with a potentially terminal illness that still hadn’t been figured out, the conversation turned on Tsubaki. Chouno declared the medical professional was probably better off between the two of them, so it was only logical that he could assume he would be treating or at least willing to pay for his own goddamn food.

Other customers nervously squeezed around them as they pressed against the railing of the stairs to continue their debate and let others pass. Finally, they came to the agreement that they would split the bill. But Tsubaki made Chouno promise to be able to cover the full bill one day. With an eye-roll and a disgusted sigh, Chouno shook his hand.

Despite the rocky start, dinner ended up going quite peacefully. The break actually helped Chouno clear his head. Tsubaki telling stories from work, and commenting on how his carpals and collarbones were particularly attractive were was a nice, albeit disturbing, way to keep him from getting too deep in his own head. Doing his best to ignore the bone comments, Chouno returned stories about bouncing between part-time jobs to sustain himself while he tried to land a full-time art job.

His anxieties about not finding a job that would permanently take him or how he knew that he wanted to make people smile, but had no idea where to start and feared he’d stay in this aimless rut for the rest of his life were on the tip of his tongue the whole night. But he held back. Tsubaki was a medical examiner, not a therapist, and he’d helped Chouno out of enough life crises already. Just because Tsubaki was always there whenever he needed a push in the right direction didn't mean he agreed to take on Chouno's problems every time they met. So he buried them down further.

By the time Tsubaki drove him back home, it was well into the early hours of the morning, the two of them having been kicked out for staying right up to the closing time. He probably should sleep, but he felt reinvigorated and went straight to work on the piece again. He actually finished it, a couple hours before he should’ve been waking up for work. He washed the ink from his hands hurriedly, considering getting at least an hour of sleep before he was out the door, but stopped halfway. Since he got the piece done, he could relax tonight, so he’d just make up the sleep then.

Chouno moved to his kitchen, making himself some coffee and actually cooking breakfast he had time to enjoy. As he wrapped his hands around his warm mug, he closed his eyes. The anxieties still tugged at his brain, but it was quieter when he focused in on the memories from last night. He silently thanked Tsubaki for dragging him out because this was the most peace he had in years.

... 

It wasn't long after that first outing that Tsubaki was at his door again, asking him to a second restaurant way out of Chouno’s price range. And then a third. By the sixth time, Tsubaki told Chouno they didn't need to do this anymore, and he didn't have to pay him back. Chouno thought he was just being polite and insisted he would keep his promise. He was trying to turn his life around because of Tsubaki's own advice, and he didn’t need the continued pity support getting him through this. No matter how many failed jobs it took, he’d get him his stupid dinner at that fancy restaurant.

As they continued their sporadic hangouts throughout the year, Chouno started noticing Tsubaki around. Sometimes it was just him driving home from work, looking dead tired, and always way too late at night for him to reasonably be getting off work. Chouno worried but wasn’t sure how to address it. But it raised some kind of protective instinct in him. Just a feeling of wanting to throw him down on a bed and make him rest.

Other times he’d see him around town was around lunch, so Chouno assumed they were on his days off. These times, Tsubaki would usually be accompanied by a woman, and every day, there was a different one. There was the rare occasion where he’d be with a man, but they’d never be arm in arm like with the women. He thought nothing of it until he saw Tsubaki and his date for the day heading into one of the places they had tried out last week.

Chouno wasn’t exactly sure why that pissed him off, and it definitely didn’t have anything to do with the sparks of jealousy flaring up in his chest. Not at all. It must’ve been something like, here was Tsubaki, wasting Chouno’s time and money on these outings and for what? To be a lab rat for Tsubaki to practice dates and check out what places were nice? Eventually, he brushed the feeling aside because none of Tsubaki's companions ever seemed to last more than a day. Chouno felt a sense of superiority swell up in his chest. Seemed like Tsubaki could barely hold a date. It was reassuring in itself since he quickly learned how suave Tsubaki seemed to think he was after the first few times they hung out. He really wasn’t. Really. Especially if he made anatomy comments to them, too. Chouno was surprised anyone could tolerate him for a whole day given his personality. Maybe it was worth it for his looks and status… Saying you’ve gone out with a doctor might look good to parents and prying family members. Or maybe… he was really good in bed. It would make sense, with so many different people, and Chouno needed to cut this line of thought off as soon as possible. Tsubaki was a disaster, and he’d leave it at that.

He considered asking about it, but honestly, what did he care? These dat— _outings_. Outings. Just two friends going out for dinner, or lunch if Tsubaki had the day off. Whatever they were, they had to end at some point. They crunched down on Chouno’s emergency funds, because at this point he’d rather see Tsubaki than go to the hospital if he needed it, he guessed. But if he kept going like this, he’d be right back where he was to start: jobless and no sense of where he should go with his life. That anxiety still nagged at him, but at least Tsubaki provided a distraction from it.

… 

On what would’ve been their eighth “date,” Chouno couldn’t afford a fancy dinner that month. It’s not like he didn’t want to go, he ran calculations on his budget again and again just to make sure he was doing it right. And even though he came out with four different numbers, they all pointed to the fact that he couldn’t do it, and at least one of them had to be right. He’d never been great on math since the figures tended to get all jumbled as he read them. But the point of this was, needed to stop by and let Tsubaki know he wouldn’t be able to meet up for a while. It might even be a good chance to drop their arrangement entirely. Tsubaki seemed like he'd be okay with that, with his constant reminders for Chouno not to worry about paying him back anymore.

But something about the 7/11 on the way to the hospital had him going in and buying drinks and bentos for them both. He didn’t want to admit that he looked forward to spending time with Tsubaki, and bringing him lunch like this was an excuse to hang out when he wouldn’t be able to do their usual. But he really didn’t have any other explanations for it. He just hoped he came at a good time since he never asked for the other’s schedule.

A quick glance around the hospital grounds showed a few nurses and doctors eating their lunch on the benches outside, so he figured Tsubaki must be due for a break. After checking in with the front desk and asking around for Tsubaki, one of the nurses pointed him to the direction of the morgue. A wave of nausea hit him as he involuntarily remembered what happened there. He was about to turn around and go home, but he steeled himself. Tsubaki deserved to know why he had to cancel and to hear it directly from him. He knocked on the door lightly, waiting nervously for Tsubaki to answer, but there was nothing. Pressing his ear to the door, he could make out low voices.

Carefully, he pushed his way through to see Tsubaki dissecting a corpse with four other people by his side. It was a little unsettling to see, the darkened room, its only source of light being the searingly bright lamp overhead, and five figures just standing there in surgical outfits, completely androgynous and ambiguous, all standing over a body, talking to each other in murmurs. The second thing he noticed was his shoes were dry. He remembered the unpleasant squishiness from water soaking into his boots last time he was here and came to associate it with this place. It added to the creepiness of the whole room to see that the floor was dry now.

One of the others in the room looked up to notice him, nudging the person next to them, who sighed frustratedly.

“What is it?” Tsubaki's voice came out at full volume, and Chouno sighed in relief from the familiarity of it.

“Visitor?” The person gestured with their head, indicating Chouno at the door, and Tsubaki’s demeanor quickly changed.

“Can you all get the victim back in storage for me? After that, you’re all dismissed.”

There’s a sarcastic groan from the person who alerted Tsubaki, but they and the others started cleaning up the operation as Tsubaki made his way to the door. He quickly threw his gloves and mask away before ushering Chouno out of the room.

“What are you doing here?”

“I can’t go out with you this month. Not if I wanna make rent. I know you always drop by unexpectedly, so I wanted to let you know before it was too late.”

He turns his head to catch Tsubaki blinking surprisedly and the hint of a smile quirking his lips.

“So, you brought us lunch?”

Chouno lets out a little laugh. “I was kinda counting on you paying me back.”

“Jeez, it’s really tight for you then,” Tsubaki whined, taking them to his locker so he could change and pull out his wallet.

It wasn’t that tight, but it would help. Chouno mainly was worried about Tsubaki’s excitement at his buying them lunch as considering his debt repaid. Chouno had a bitter taste at the idea of not fulfilling his promise, and he would hate for something as meager as this to be what ended… whatever they had.

They moved outside to eat, setting up on a bench, balancing lukewarm bentos on their laps and drinks set carefully on the ground. After catching Tsubaki up on his recent commissions and how he found a part-time job that kept him on for more than two weeks, Tsubaki smiled.

“Sounds like things are really turning around for you.” He nodded, content.

Chouno bit his lip, nodding a little. “I guess things have been turning around for you in the workplace, too?” He huffed a laugh at Tsubaki’s confusion. “They finally fixed the water leak or whatever was happening in there.”

“Ah,” Tsubaki grumbled. “Yeah, one of the interns did that. I don’t know how, but sometimes he sleeps over at the hospital, and it happened on one of those nights. I hate to admit it, but he’s a genius. Or at least perceptive. Always has an answer for everything, or is taking something apart to figure out how it goes back together, y’ know? Really good brain for forensics. But he just... hides it all under fuck ups.”

“Like flooding the rooms?” Chouno chuckled, disbelieving.

Tsubaki just nodded and continued on, seemingly not catching the joke or believing that was actually the cause. “He also seems to like being uncomfortably close with people. I worry for one of the other interns because he always looks like he’s on the verge of puking or a nervous breakdown, and Kujo throwing his arm over his shoulder and generally being all over him probably doesn’t help.”

Chouno raised an eyebrow. “Sounds familiar,” he smirked.

Tsubaki shot him a long-suffering look back, but Chouno could pick out the twitches in his lips and the barely contained grin. “Not even close.” He bumped Chouno with his shoulder. “The nervous one’s kinda like you though.”

Chouno made an offended noise. “I almost throw up _once_ , and this is the treatment I get, huh?”

Tsubaki was full on grinning and laughing now, and Chouno felt something lighten in his chest. Maybe this feeling is why Godai always fought so hard for people's smiles. He felt like he was really starting to understand. After things settled down, they let the rest of their lunch go by in comfortable silence. Tsubaki’s break ended way too soon for both their tastes, but they reluctantly got up to toss their trash anyways before saying goodbye. Tsubaki placed a hand on Chouno’s shoulder, smiling.

“We should do this again sometime. By the way, you got a mobile? We oughta exchange numbers, so you don’t have to come running down here every time you need to tell me something.”

They quickly exchanged numbers before Tsubaki was sauntering away into the hospital, disappearing down one of the halls. Chouno managed a half wave before he was gone. He swallowed hard, placing his hand on the shoulder Tsubaki patted moments ago. He felt that lightness and warmth from before and wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it.

…

It was about the eleventh time Tsubaki took him out that he saw Ichijou again. They were driving out to some sukiyaki place that Tsubaki heard a lot of good things about when he started tailing another car.

“Tsubaki, what are you—”

“Be cool, it’s Ichijou,” Tsubaki smirked as he pulled up alongside the black car.

Chouno restrained himself from hiding his face in his hands as Tsubaki honked his horn to get Ichijou’s attention. The man startled a bit and looked over to them, brows knitting together.

“Ichijou! You remember Chouno, right?”

“Ah, of course.” Ichijou nodded politely, and Chouno followed suit.

“We’re going out to eat, wanna come with, or are you still on the job as always?”

Ichijou made a face, and Chouno wasn’t sure if it was because he was putting out his own awkward vibes and Ichijou was picking up on them, or he really didn’t want to come.

“I’m actually on the clock right now,” Ichijou called back.

“If you keep working so hard, you’ll keel over at some point. Take a break some time, yeah?”

Ichijou huffed but smiled for the first time this whole encounter. “Yeah, you too.”

“I'm always taking a break when I need it,” Tsubaki shouted, but the light was already turning, and Ichijou was driving off.

Chouno couldn't help but scoff as he watched Ichijou peel off towards the station. He could count the number of times Tsubaki had taken a break on both hands. Chouno usually had to pry him away from a case, bribing him with food and letting him make comments about his bones and muscles as Tsubaki went boneless on him, making Chouno drag him out of his office. At this point, he usually ignored them or played it off as a joke, making weird observations about Tsubaki back. But Tsubaki telling someone to relax was new, and Chouno made a face, turning to him once Ichijou was out of sight.

“What was that about?”

Tsubaki looked at him out of the corner of his eye, considering him before answering. “He just works too hard. Doesn’t really have friends outside of work besides people who worked on the Unidentified Lifeform crisis. Makes me look like a slack off honestly,” Chouno snorted, and Tsubaki rolled his eyes. “Everyone’s always on his case about getting a girlfriend or something. Really would be a waste for him to die alone. But ever since Godai left, he’s doubled down on being married to his job and talking about Godai when he can. Kinda like you and locking yourself in your apartment ‘til you finish a commission or have to go out for work. Can’t be healthy.”

“So you just show off your friends and dates hoping he’ll get out more?” Tsubaki shrugged, making Chouno sigh through his nose, lips pressing together in thought. He ignored the pointed comments at himself in favor of the rest of the conversation. “Sounds like they were good for each other. Godai and Ichijou.”

Tsubaki took pause at this. For a while, the only sounds between them were the faint bustle of the city and the low rumble of the engine. “They really are.”

…

“So I find Kujo in the dark, peeling away layers of tissue from the kidney—"

“Sorry if this is prying but, I was wondering about some other times I’ve seen you around.” Chouno interrupted nervously.

Tsubaki looked a little thrown off, Chouno realized he just cut him off in the middle of a story. He’d been trying to pay attention and find a good time to bring this up, but of course, he just had to go and make it awkward. Tsubaki’s other dates and what they might have meant had been worrying him for a while now. He hadn't seen Tsubaki around with anyone else lately, and Chouno noticed immediately since became so used to the sight. On the flip side, they'd been going out for more than half a year now, and Chouno still wasn’t sure where they stood with each other. Sure, he still had things to worry about besides who Tsubaki was or wasn’t dating, but it was still concerning. Chouno didn’t really have any friends outside of him, never staying at any one job long enough to get too close to anyone, and he didn’t know what to do if this was going to be something temporary.

Tsubaki nods, gesturing for him to continue, but his expression is concerned. Chouno belatedly realized it had been like that most of the night, making him wondered if his anxiousness had been obvious this whole time.

“I was just wondering. I always see you around with a bunch of different people, or well, not recently, but... and I’m just...” Chouno bites his lip. “I’m not sure what our thing is. Are we friends even? It’s not like we’re all that close outside of you taking me out. Like we talk, a lot. But I still feel like… Am I just a phase like all of them?”

They stared at each other from across the table, until Chouno broke it, looking away nervously.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it was just bothering m—"

Tsubaki sighed, turning his attention to his coffee, stirring it idly as he seemingly considered his answer.

“Didn’t think you’d see that, but I guess it was bound to happen at some point. I can see why it would give you anxieties about us. But, you should just know, I don't date. I only ever spend a day with every person I've been with. You’re the only exception.”

Chouno felt his lower lip trembling. He ducked his head down, trying to sort out all this emotion.

Maybe the day would come where Chouno finally got a steady job doing something he enjoyed. And when that day came, he’d be able to take Tsubaki to that dumb restaurant, pay the full bill and all this would be over. They’d just stop seeing each other because his “debt” to Tsubaki had already been paid, why would he have any reason to come over anymore? Chouno himself? What a joke.

He kept trying to remind himself that all of this was temporary, but God, if he didn't just get a rush of hope that this might be able to go on forever. And Tsubaki reaching across the table to grab his hand, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against the back solidified it.

...

It had been a long week, but Tsubaki called after he got off work that he was coming over, so that was something to look forward to. Chouno pushed away from his desk, stretching his arms out and rolling his shoulders for a while. Things were good. He finally got a steady job with a fashion magazine, working with their graphic design team on layouts and lettering. It wasn't exactly what he wanted, but it was a big step in the right direction.

As for his self-improvement goals, he hadn't gotten any closer to figuring out how he was going to help people smile like Godai could. He just didn't know where to start. He still didn’t think he deserved happiness and would do better in helping people. But how was he going to make people happy if he couldn't make himself happy? And he didn’t know how his work affected anyone. All he would get back was objective criticism like "fix the composition here" or "clean up your lines there."

Done with stretching his body, Chouno moved onto dealing with the slight ache behind his eyes. He rubbed at his temples, squeezing his eyes shut and counting backward from twenty before sighing and taking another look at his work. His stroke on an "O" was a little shaky, and he moved back in to crisp it up as he continued to reflect.

Subjective feedback, literally anything, even if it were negative, would be a blessing at this point. He just wanted to know if his work was making anyone feel anything so he could start figuring out where to move on from there. And even better would be feedback from someone he could trust. Like Tsubaki. When he told Chouno his work made Godai feel at peace, he felt like he’d actually done something. Like he’d made a difference; found some kind of purpose.

And then there was Tsubaki. They'd gotten so close over the past year, they had keys to each others' apartments. Chouno's drawers were filled with shirts that were too short for him and sometimes he found chain necklaces on the arm of the couch long after Tsubaki left for work in the morning. But even now, between almost daily dinners together, whether it was going out, or staying in and the two of them making a mess of the kitchen trying to figure out how to cook, Chouno still wasn't sure where he stood with Tsubaki. He enjoyed the domesticity, savored it, really. It was the most loved he'd ever felt in a long time. But he knew it had to end at some point. Tsubaki told him outright, he didn't date. But, he didn't seem like he was going to call this off at any point, and Chouno was afraid he'd have to be the one to do it.

He faintly heard the door open but paid it no mind as he continued to work. As he was drying his brush against a towel, and before he got too lost in his own head, warm hands covered his eyes and gently pulled him back to lean against the backrest. He was still rigid with tension as a familiar voice murmured in his ear.

“C’ mon, break time.”

He didn't relax completely, but he leaned his neck and shoulders back to settle against Tsubaki’s hold, the back of his head comfortably against Tsubaki's belly.

“Just for a few minutes, the deadline on this is coming up in two days.”

Tsubaki’s hands pressed down on his face more insistently. “Nope, full break, let’s go out. I didn’t come all this way after work to get rejected when I could’ve just as easily gone by myself. Plus you look like shit.”

Chouno sighed heavily and squirmed his way out of Tsubaki’s hold, turning in his chair to scowl at him as Tsubaki gave him a pointed look in return. The bags under his eyes were heavy, and while he was obviously trying to keep his laid back manner, the tiredness is bleeding through. God, was he pulling all-nighters again? Surely his "patients" could wait, given their inability to complain. He just wanted to give Tsubaki his bed, force him to get some sleep for once.

“You don’t look any better.” Chouno shot back.

Tsubaki looked like he wanted to retaliate but couldn't think of anything to say. He must have been exhausted. Should’ve just gone wherever he wanted on his own, then. Coming to get Chouno was always extra work, and he still had doubts his company wasn’t worth it.

“I don’t think we should be going out anymore,” Chouno said after a long pause. “I need to focus on my work, and at this point, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay you back.”

Tsubaki made an annoyed noise in his throat. “What? You think I’m still taking you out because I want you to pay me back? That I practically moved in with you because I've been holding a grudge that I didn't get to go on one date?”

“That’s what you told me it was for!” Chouno stood suddenly, looming over him.

"You're impossible," Tsubaki growled, rubbing at his forehead before rounding on him. “What did you think any of this was? Pity? Chouno, I never keep a date for more than one day. You know this. You asked about it. So what the hell do you think me coming to visit you all the time is?”

“I don’t know!” He yelled. “I don’t know…” He gritted his teeth against his shaking voice, curling in on himself. “I thought this was just something between friends, but then I wanted it to be something more. But you said you didn't date, so I don’t know!”

There was a long pause before he heard the fondest " _Idiot_ ," he'd ever heard in his life. A warm, slightly rough hand took his. He raised his eyes to see Tsubaki right up in his space. "I really have to be straightforward with you, huh? I thought maybe you'd pick up on the hint by the fourth time I told you to drop paying me back. And I thought you knew when I said you were the only exception. But it's obvious I should've done this sooner." He grumbled, keeping Chouno's gaze with a piercing look.

There was palpable tension between them before Tsubaki leaned in. Chouno struggled in his hold a little, not sure what to expect, but suddenly they’re kissing.

Chouno blinked confusedly, catching a glimpse of Tsubaki’s eyes closed as he nips at Chouno’s lips. He let out a surprised grunt, letting his eyes slide closed, then leaned into it. Tsubaki let it go on for a few more, blessedly peaceful moments before he pulled back with a crooked grin.

“That tell you what you need to know?”

A hot constriction in Chouno’s throat kept him from answering, so he just nodded.

Tsubaki nodded in approval, moving close again. “Let me make sure you remember, then.”

He grabbed Chouno’s hands again, shoving him back until he was pushed against the wall, pinning him there with his body. Tsubaki kissed him again, pressing in harder this time like he wanted to devour Chouno. He just groaned into the kiss, melting against Tsubaki’s body. With a final, more tender kiss, Tsubaki moved down to kiss at his neck, pressing even closer. He traveled down, slowly, sensually, one hand coming up to trace Chouno’s collarbone, and he chuckled at that. Tsubaki didn’t stop his downward travel until was mouthing right over Chouno’s tattoo, the faint scrapes of teeth guaranteeing there was going to be a mark there. It felt nice like Tsubaki could cover up all his past mistakes with a hickey.

He hummed softly, bringing Tsubaki in impossibly closer as if he could completely get rid of the space between them. As he continued to kiss and lick and nip, Chouno shuddered, letting his head fall to Tsubaki’s shoulder. It made it harder for Tsubaki to angle his head towards Chouno’s neck, but he didn’t put up too much complaint beyond a grunt and using his shoulder to push Chouno into a slightly better position.

It felt good. It was so good. All the lightness and warmth Chouno had experienced on previous dates with Tsubaki felt like it was multiplying infinitely in this moment. But he didn't deserve it. There was still so much he had to work on, and he fought the protests welling up in his throat. How was he supposed to improve himself if Tsubaki kept giving him things without needing anything in return? He hadn't even figured out how to start making people smile like Godai could.

He nudged at Tsubaki’s shoulder with his hand, pushing him away so he could look him in the eye. Tsubaki looked a little dazed, blinking to focus. The small spark of something in his eye and the conspiratorial smirk with kiss-swollen lips made something in his heart flutter. It wasn’t exactly the same feeling of happiness when Tsubaki told him his work brought Godai peace, this was more intimate, but it was similar. All he knew in that moment is that he wanted to make Tsubaki happy, and he’d do anything to make it happen.

Pulling him in for a deep kiss, Chouno smiled against his lips when they broke apart. He definitely couldn’t do this with everyone, and he wouldn’t want to. Whatever they had here, what he wanted to give, what he would do, was exclusive, just for Tsubaki. But maybe starting small and figuring out how he made Tsubaki smile and working backwards to something platonic for others would be the best.

“Looks like you get what you want.” Tsubaki grinned, his voice low and rough, sending shudders down Chouno’s spine. “We’re not going out tonight.”


End file.
